You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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