maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
