pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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