Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
why is half of my head shaved?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
