$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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