I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
