i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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