Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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