A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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