Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
