Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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