I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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