Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
