were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
