No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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