She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
