it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
