In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
