well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
