so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
