I have demons in me.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
