it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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