Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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