she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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