The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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