Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Boobs are out for the taking
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
