why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
