Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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