i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
