I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
