I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
