dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
