We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
