it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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