You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
