I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
