It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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