I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
