i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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