God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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