I wanna passion pit in your ass
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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