I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
