I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
