I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
