I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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