Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
