how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
