totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
