my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
