My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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